NHL teams as dog breeds: The complete list of hockey dogs
Eastern Conference – Metropolitan Division
Carolina Hurricanes – Carolina is the Boxer, since they’re athletic, silly and exuberant.
If you’re going to make a team of “jerks” into a compliment….yeah, okay? Puppies in general would fit better, but Boxers work here.
Columbus Blue Jackets – Columbus is a Pit Bull, because they’re always forgotten about and overlooked.
Technically a Pit Bull isn’t an actual breed, more of a description of several breeds that are always lumped together. We forget that the Blue Jackets exist, since that’s literally one of the most boring nicknames in sports, and the only way we remember Columbus exists as a city is because of its prominence as a location in the novel Ready Player One (weirdly enough, the movie was far better).
New Jersey Devils – New Jersey is the Dachshund because they’re “cute and unexpected.”
New Jersey certainly made a splash in the offseason by scooping up defenseman PK Subban and several other free agents.
New York Islanders – NYI is the Rottweiler because they’re initially standoffish, but if you can break into their circle, then you’re family for life. Also, Jillian was bit by a Rottweiler once.
Rottweilers are fine, but it takes a certain kind of place for them to be at home. That fits the Islanders’ less-than-perfect relationship with their new home at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn.
New York Rangers – NYR is the Samoyed because they are beautiful and functional.
The Blueshirts’ uniforms, especially the sweaters, are gorgeous, but they’re never really in contention come playoff time. But given that they’re a big market, even non-hockey fans would recognize them on TV, just like they would probably be able to identify the Samoyed during their annual viewing of the National Dog Show.
Philadelphia Flyers – Philly is the Pug, because they’re not only Jillian’s favorite team, but they’re also her favorite dog breed.
It feels like the Tramp from Lady and the Tramp would work well here; something just feels right around Philadelphia and a streetwise stray mutt. And someone, anyone, please chew Gritty’s face off immediately. That mascot is terrifying.
Pittsburgh Penguins – Pittsburgh is the Chihuahua because they’re “yappy and annoying but lovable at the same time.”
Okay, fair. And they sort of fit Pittsburgh’s color scheme, usually in some shade of tan, which is similar to Vegas gold (which looked really awful on Penguins uniforms).
Washington Capitals – Washington is a Siberian Husky, firstly because of Alex Ovechkin being from Russian, and secondly because they’re fun but hardworking.
Ovie the Bulldog thinks this is off, but we can picture this.