NHL teams as dog breeds? Jillian Fisher has you covered if you’ve ever wondered about these two concepts that go together like chocolate and peanut butter.
YouTuber and humorist Jillian Fisher delightfully skewers hockey culture with her videos, but they’re accurate for the most part. Last week she decided to classify NHL teams as dog breeds – did her picks find the net?
As far as we know, Fisher is not related to former Senators and Predators center Mike Fisher, the husband of country singer Carrie Underwood.
Dog O’Day gives our take on her picks and if we can think of any better ideas.
Eastern Conference – Atlantic Division
We’re not entirely convinced that the Eastern Conference divisions weren’t selected at random, because they make zero geographical sense, unlike the West, which is fairly geographically accurate. But anyway, onto Jillian’s picks…
Boston Bruins – Boston is represented by the Bulldog, because Jillian says that while they’re athletically successful, they always look miserable, which explains why New England sports fans can be difficult to get along with.
Just considering the city, shouldn’t the Bruins have gotten the Boston Terrier? This is a no-brainer…
Buffalo Sabres – Buffalo is represented by the Golden Retriever; since they are “pretty but kinda doofy.”
We sort of forgot the Sabres existed, and wish they would go back to their black, red and silver color scheme of the late 1990s. But at least Goldens match the team colors.
Detroit Red Wings – The Motor City is represented by the Giant Schnauzer, because they are “alert and trainable,” which is accurate, given the success and reputation of Detroit.
There isn’t anything we can think of to add here, except that Giant Schnauzers have no problem growing playoff beards.
Florida Panthers – Florida is represented by the Pembroke Welsh Corgi, because they’re cute and try hard, but are impossible to take seriously.
Their redesign several years ago was a massive downgrade, and it’s hard to justify a hockey team in Miami. Still, Corgis are pretty adorable, and we want to see one on skates now.
Montreal Canadiens – Montreal is represented by the Poodle, because they’re both snooty and pretentious.
This is accurate, and ties into the French heritage as well.
Ottawa Senators – Ottawa is represented by the Great Dane, due to the effort required to raise such a large breed – it’s not for everyone.
While Rookie the Sens Pup would disagree with Jillian’s choice here, some franchises do require a lot of effort to love. (Like the Oklahoma City Thunder.) Maybe a Chinese Crested Dog would go better here.
Tampa Bay Lightning – Tampa is a Doberman, because while they get a bad reputation as fearsome, they’re pretty sweet and not overly threatening. Since the Lightning have been a playoff favorite for the past several years, only to lose in the first round, this is mean but fair.
While Bolt probably feels slighted, we love Dobermans, and wish Tampa Bay would go back to the black and silver color scheme.
Toronto Maple Leafs – Toronto is a German Shepherd because they are “smart but neurotic.”
The pieces have been there the past few seasons, they just haven’t been able to fit together. It’s a good pick.
Eastern Conference – Metropolitan Division
Carolina Hurricanes – Carolina is the Boxer, since they’re athletic, silly and exuberant.
If you’re going to make a team of “jerks” into a compliment….yeah, okay? Puppies in general would fit better, but Boxers work here.
Columbus Blue Jackets – Columbus is a Pit Bull, because they’re always forgotten about and overlooked.
Technically a Pit Bull isn’t an actual breed, more of a description of several breeds that are always lumped together. We forget that the Blue Jackets exist, since that’s literally one of the most boring nicknames in sports, and the only way we remember Columbus exists as a city is because of its prominence as a location in the novel Ready Player One (weirdly enough, the movie was far better).
New Jersey Devils – New Jersey is the Dachshund because they’re “cute and unexpected.”
New Jersey certainly made a splash in the offseason by scooping up defenseman PK Subban and several other free agents.
New York Islanders – NYI is the Rottweiler because they’re initially standoffish, but if you can break into their circle, then you’re family for life. Also, Jillian was bit by a Rottweiler once.
Rottweilers are fine, but it takes a certain kind of place for them to be at home. That fits the Islanders’ less-than-perfect relationship with their new home at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn.
New York Rangers – NYR is the Samoyed because they are beautiful and functional.
The Blueshirts’ uniforms, especially the sweaters, are gorgeous, but they’re never really in contention come playoff time. But given that they’re a big market, even non-hockey fans would recognize them on TV, just like they would probably be able to identify the Samoyed during their annual viewing of the National Dog Show.
Philadelphia Flyers – Philly is the Pug, because they’re not only Jillian’s favorite team, but they’re also her favorite dog breed.
It feels like the Tramp from Lady and the Tramp would work well here; something just feels right around Philadelphia and a streetwise stray mutt. And someone, anyone, please chew Gritty’s face off immediately. That mascot is terrifying.
Pittsburgh Penguins – Pittsburgh is the Chihuahua because they’re “yappy and annoying but lovable at the same time.”
Okay, fair. And they sort of fit Pittsburgh’s color scheme, usually in some shade of tan, which is similar to Vegas gold (which looked really awful on Penguins uniforms).
Washington Capitals – Washington is a Siberian Husky, firstly because of Alex Ovechkin being from Russian, and secondly because they’re fun but hardworking.
Ovie the Bulldog thinks this is off, but we can picture this.
Western Conference – Central Division
Arizona Coyotes – The Canaan Dog, because it developed from feral dogs living in the desert.
That’s fair enough reasoning, though a bit bland. But wouldn’t going with an actual coyote be close enough, since they’re the only canines in the league? Arizona is technically still in the Pacific, but when Seattle arrives they will shift to the Central. We included them here because it’s more symmetrical.
Chicago Blackhawks – Chicago is the Basset Hound, because they are “boring yet strangely competent.”
The Blackhawks aren’t flashy, but they do get the job done and make the playoffs with astonishing regularity.
Colorado Avalanche – Colorado is the St Bernard, since their mascot is literally one.
This is just too perfect, especially considering the team’s nickname, so why change it if it ain’t broken?
Dallas Stars – Dallas is the Yorkie, because they are “spritely and energetic.”
This is Kimberley’s hometown team.
Minnesota Wild – Minnesota is represented by the Pomeranian, since they’re “fluff,” according to Jillian.
They are kind of forgettable, and we do mix up Poms with Pekignese way too often…
Nashville Predators – For Nashville, they get the Boston Terrier, since they have big personalities and are high energy.
Smash might have some Boston in him, so this isn’t terrible, though we’d go with the Bloodhound, given Smashville’s home base for country music and especially Blake Shelton’s ballad “Ol’ Red.”
St Louis Blues – STL gets the Labrador Retriever, because they’re both No. 1. And because Barclay is cute.
This works.
Winnipeg Jets – Winnipeg is the Akita, a rare Japanese breed that is “loyal and dignified.”
The Shih Tzu is Winnipeg’s third-most popular breed, according to the CBC, and they kind of exist in the background of the Toy Group, just like the Jets fade into the background compared to their Central Division neighbors.
Western Conference – Pacific Division
Anaheim Ducks – Jillian picked the Cane Corso for Anaheim, which literally translates from Latin as “bodyguard dog,” since goalie John Gibson is a commanding presence watching the crease.
Given the bodyguard etymology, we were thinking more of the Bash Brothers – Fulton Reed, Dean Portman and Ken Wu – from the Mighty Ducks trilogy.
Calgary Flames – Calgary gets a Dalmatian, because they’re firehouse dogs and this works too perfectly to be anything else.
We can’t argue that logic at all, though since Calgary is a cattle town, maybe a Border Collie would be more helpful. MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson) regularly wore a Flames baseball cap, so we’ve always sort of liked them.
Edmonton Oilers – Edmonton is a Greyhound, because Connor McDavid, like Louis Mendoza in D2: The Mighty Ducks, is a speedy skater.
This could be a long season for Edmonton fans. And Greyhounds would definitely spend a lot of time on Injured Reserve.
Los Angeles Kings – LA gets the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, because they literally have “king” in their name.
This works, though we doubt the Cav would be that great at hockey, and Gustl Kopitar probably isn’t a huge fan of this pick.
San Jose Sharks – San Jose gets the Miniature Schnauzer, mostly because of defenseman Erik Karlsson’s hair.
Finn disagrees, though we don’t see much wrong here.
Seattle Nothings – They don’t technically exist yet, but they get the Pumi, an obscure Hungarian breed that is eager and ready to work.
Seattle doesn’t have a team nickname yet, so like the kids from Elma in The Big Green, we’re going to call the team the Nothings until they think of a better name for themselves. (Kraken is not a good name.)
For that reason, we’re giving them Germs the Invisible Dog from the children’s musical Down by the Creek Bank.
Vancouver Canucks – Vancouver is a Mastiff because of defenseman Tyler Myers who is 6 feet 8 inches tall.
This works.
Vegas Golden Knights – VGK-land is represented by the French Bulldog, since they’re adaptable, playful and smart. What else can you say about a team that makes the Stanley Cup Final as an expansion team?
Since Labradoodles aren’t an actual breed, this obviously should be the Jack Russell Terrier, because of Bark and Deke.
For more general news around the NHL within the FanSided Network, check out Puck Prose for news, analysis and opinion.
What’d you think of Jillian’s list of NHL teams as dog breeds? Was your team represented by your favorite breed? Did your breed end up with a crappy team? Let us know on our Facebook or Twitter pages, and be sure to check out our Instagram as well.